There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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