wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
