$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
