I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Terrible idea I love it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
