shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
