God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
