What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
