I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
