Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
