An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
