Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
