the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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