Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
