I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
