i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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