sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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