filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
