I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
