I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
