so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
