There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
