I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
