I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
