im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
