Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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