even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
