I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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