A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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