Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
A+ Viking dick
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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