You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
