Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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