If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
