In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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