yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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