I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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