dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
