They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
