It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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