oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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