The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
