Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
