By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
