Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
