my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize