dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
