it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
