Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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