I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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