Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
