I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
